“when we feel distant from God, it is not because He has left us, but because we left Him”

As we begin another year, 2021 at last, we typically reflect on the previous year.  While 2020 had a lot of downs, there were a lot of ups as well.  You may have to dig for them, but if you do, you may be pleasantly surprised.  As a friend recently said, 2020 was a gift.  We can learn so much if we choose to.  For example, did we recognize that there was race suppression yet?  Did we get to spend more time with our family, to the point that we didn’t feel like killing each other, but learning to enjoy being in each others company?  Students that struggle being in a school setting were able to study from home and excel- finding they could succeed and bring that back to the classroom.  A lot of houses were painted, people exercised just so they could get out of the house.  Maybe none of these examples apply to you, maybe they all do.

I think the one that I recognized the most was being able to find God in Holy Places.  A dear friend introduced me to her tree.  Just a tree, but after having a ‘God-moment’ it became her ‘Holy Tree’  a place where when she walked by she was reminded to think on God and who He is.  I started to look for where my ‘Holy place’ was and discovered it wasn’t just in one place, but in moments of quiet.  When I had a lot of my mind or recognized where I could find that ‘Holy place’, I sought it out, or made time for it.  The left side of my couch, with a cup of coffee, devotional and my journal, before the kids get up.  The hot tub looking out over the backyard in the quiet morning or evening.  The frequent car rides when my passenger takes a nap.  Walks along the trail near our home.  The youth room at our church.  Yes, even the shower. My extroverted self started to like being a little bit introverted…

God promises to always be with us many, many times in the Bible.  Because we can trust His promises; when we feel distant from God, it is not because He has left us, but because we left Him.  We may be to busy for daily devotions, to tired to pray.  Maybe Sunday becomes another day to ‘get stuff done’ instead of connecting with fellow believers, or to learn what it means to be part of a faith community.  The more we put off spending time with God, the farther and father away He seems.  We then can believe the lie that He doesn’t care about us anymore, and set living a godly life aside.  The empty hole cannot be filled however with anything else and we will walk around blindly.

My biggest encouragement to you in this new year, to be used as a New Years Resolution, is to set aside a ‘Holy Place’ and time to spend quiet moments with the God who promises to give us good things if we ask.  He will provide for us the opportunities to spend time with Him if we make it a priority, and you will not be disappointed!

This morning the pastor spoke about Jesus sleeping in the boat when a big storm came up over the lake.  Jesus was so tired, he slept through it until his disciples woke him up, calling out to him, “Teacher, Master, Jesus, Wake up!  Do you not care about the distress we are going through; we are going to die!”  Then Jesus got up at said, “Peace, Be Still” to the storm- it stopped.  Turned around at said to his disciples, “where is your faith” and went back to sleep.   

UGH!

I whispered to Chad and said it again later in my youth leaders meeting, I want to say, “Jesus, Wake up” so He can calm our storm, He can take Tripp’s tumors away, He can heal.  Why does he not say to this storm, “Peace, go away tumors”  Why doesn’t He stop this storm?  Do we only get to acknowledge our faith after the storm is calmed?  We are supposed to acknowledge our faith while we are going through the storm, we are doing that- so He calmed the storm for his disciples, but why not for us yet?  We are waiting, most of the time, patiently for His answers, but they are just not coming yet. 

While we know the Holy Spirit is there to guide us through the storms, and to give us the strength to keep going on, sometimes we just want to yell at Jesus, and ask Him why we even have to go on this journey.  And that’s ok!  I’m learning that more and more.  And when I do yell, I know that Jesus’s shoulders are strong enough to hold my burdens, my pain.  I know that I can ‘dump’ on Him and its not just going to sit there like a pile of 2020, but when we empty ourselves out- pour out our crap, He is able to fill us back up with good stuff.  Joy, laughter, normalcy, being there for others, this can all be there in spite of the hurt, the burdens.

When Jesus calmed the storm, He went back to sleep, trusting that the men bringing Him where He needed to go would accomplish that task.  I giggle a little thinking that they may have been on a sailboat, and when Jesus calmed the storm, He may have also taken any wind out of their sails.  Even when Jesus answers our cries for help, we still need to keep working- rowing our boat to get where He wants us to go- the journey doesn’t end there. How long will God challenge us on this journey, how long will He allow Satan to keep testing us before He knows that even when He heals Tripp, we will not quit doing His work.

Knowing that Jesus is with us in the storm does make it easier, knowing that we can ask the why questions, and He still loves us, even when our faith falters, brings us immense peace- a smooth boat ride.  The boat ride of a cancer diagnosis can be smooth, it can be wavy, and suddenly a squall comes- a crisis that has to be solved; its wavy again, and smooth again for a while.  We will celebrate in the smooth, we will cry out to Jesus in the squall, and we will trust in His plan though it all, even when it would be easier to just jump off the boat.

Sometimes I get so frustrated with my husband, especially when I go out of my way to meet his needs, such as packing his lunch before work, making his coffee in the morning, just making sure he has what he needs to be successful in his day, and he isn’t thankful or responds in a way that is unkind.  My immediate response is to ‘punish’ him by withholding my heart or saying something snarky to make him feel belittled.  I know he loves me and is a good, godly man, but when we get hurt we just want to hurt back.   I know I am not alone in this, and it goes both ways in a relationship.  Why are relationships so hard?  Especially marriage?  Why can we brush off this bad attitude with others, but not those closest to us?

This morning was rough- it was one of those days.  Then I read Romans 5:8; “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”   While we were still sinners.  God does not wait for us to the perfect child of God before He chose to have Christ die for us.  Christ died for sinners, not perfect people.  God knows that we are not going to be perfect and yet he still loves us.  Yet in turn, we hold that expected opinion over those around us here on earth.  We expect them to be perfect before we love them.

The beautiful thing about love is that the more we love, the more the imperfections fall away.  One who is truly loved for who they are, and not their performance ends up performing in the way that God wants- by loving others or just loving in return.  I know it sounds a little hippy-like, but really all we need is love, unconditional love.  Love that loves in spite of hurt, frustration or disappointment.  We can be selfish and demand that we be loved the way we think we need to be loved, or we can love the way the other person needs to be loved and the natural return of love will be beautiful.

Its nice to read this, or to write it, however, overcoming my selfish desires and hurt feelings to love in spite of frustrations is easier said than done.  It takes work, it takes a daily decision to love those around us according to their own love language.  Sometimes your love actions need to be based on more than just a feeling, and that’s OK!  Those daily decisions can grow to beautiful, love-filled feelings.

Who is God calling you to love?

“But as for me, I am like a green olive tree in the house of God; I trust in the lovingkindness of God forever and ever.  I will give thanks forever, because You have done it, And I will wait on Your name, for it is good, in the presence of Your godly ones.”  Psalm 52:8-9 (NASB)

This past weekend, our hometown had straight-line winds blow through.  Branches broke off, trees were uprooted and anything outside was fair game to be moved.  Chad, I, and the boys were on our way back into town on our motorcycles when the wind hit.  As soon as the weather became scary, Caleb leaned around me and said, “I’m praying to God right now”.  Bless his heart!  The next mile I feared for our lives, but we had to keep going to get to shelter.  We were able to get the bikes parked near a dairy barn to ride out the storm.  A car pulled off with us and was able to give the boys and I shelter while Chad looked for his windshield. (His key was in his windshield bag, and the wind blew it across the road and into a field).  Looking back, I should say I have no idea how I was able to hold my bike against the wind, except I do have an idea- Caleb was praying.  While my body is still sore from holding the bike against the wind, I am thankful for our lives.

Storms come and go in our lives; when they blow in, we have no idea how we are going to handle them.  We think we have to physically muster through, to plan our route and take care of the details.  We worry, we fret, we get busy.  These are our first thoughts because we are human.  As a believer, we need to be constantly reminded to start with prayer- to get our minds focused in the right direction.  He will iron out the details and make them work- yes we still need to do our part.      Our part is preparing our hearts for when the storms do come, because they will.  James 1:2; “Consider it pure joy my brothers when you encounter various trials”; When, not if.  So how do we prepare our hearts?  By getting in the Word, knowing the Word, studying the Word, and in prayer.  In other words, growing strong roots that will withstand the storm.

The roots of an Olive Tree, while strong, are closer to the surface than most trees, and spread out under the canopy of the tree.  The root system can then absorb moisture that could easily evaporate in a desert air.  It needs a steady dose of nourishment to maintain its strength.  The tree can survive fire as well, even if it was burnt down to the stump, it can recover and grow back.  The tree is resilient.

Lord, let me be like an Olive Tree- let my roots grab hold quickly and deeply into your Word.  Holy Spirit, help my faith to stay strong; help me to trust in your providence for my daily needs.  Lord, when the trials come, and I get burnt, help me to grow back stronger and share my story of what you have done for me.   “The phrase, “wait on Your name” means to hope and depend on the character of God as expressed in His great name.  The psalm ends with David vowing to praise the Lord in the congregation as soon as God established him in his kingdom.  The private victories God gives us should be announced publicly for the encouragement of God’s people.” (Wiersbe, 2004)

The storm did topple/uproot many trees in our fair town so we were reminded that storms will come- that our faith will be tested, so I will continue to pray that God would make me like a green, young, strong, olive tree.

I am a Youth Pastor.

It is very weird to hear myself say those words after 17 years of not doing full-time ministry. Actually my title is Director of Youth Ministries, but this is what I am introduced as…  When God called me to minister to youth in 1998, I never dreamed I would be doing it as a volunteer for so long, but God had a lot of life to teach me first. Looking back, there were other opportunities, but God shut the doors for reasons I can now see.  I am excited to say I am now doing my dream job, although it isn’t really a ‘job’ but more I get to ‘do life’ with some adult leaders and students that God has put in my life.

I was reviewing catechism curriculum today and as I studied the Question and Answer #1, “What is our only hope in life and death?” I was reminded “that we are not our own, but belong body and soul to our Savior Jesus Christ”  This brings so much comfort knowing that God’s got a plan for our lives and we need not fret the little stuff.   We are to strive to live our lives according to His will, asking Him to show our meaning and purpose.  Romans 14:7-8 says “For none of us lives to himself, and none of us dies to himself.  For if we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord,  So then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lords.”  Whether you believe in God or not, you cannot deny the feeling of peace when someone else is in control; (unless you’re a control freak of course).  For example, if you are riding in the car with someone you trust driving, you are able to relax and enjoy the ride.  It’s like knowing Christ is real- that He’s got the steering wheel and you are along for the ride.  Yes, you need to do your part and be a ‘good’ rider- such as not throwing fits which distract the driver, or paying attention to what is going on around you so you know when to get your shoes on for a stop.  In our ride with Christ, we still need to do our part and live according to how He guides us to live through Scripture.  When you kick and scream and want to get out of your safety belt (not live the Christian way) it creates a difficult time in your life, and sometimes an arm, (or consequence) will attempt to redirect your attitude or life back on track. 

Knowing that I am ‘along for the ride’ in Christ’s plan for my life gives me an assurance that whatever happens, as long as I am in tune with God’s Word and staying in touch with Him in prayer, that what comes out of my mouth and heart will be for His glory.

I am super excited to see where we get to go.

“and Jonah remembered the Lord, and prayed to Him” (Jonah 2:7 NASB)

How quickly we forget!  Jonah had just been told by God to go to Ninevah and cry out against the people there to turn from their wickedness, and yet by the time he was thrown into the sea, he had forgotten Him.  Jonah 2:7 says, “While I was fainting away, I remembered the Lord, and my prayer came to You, Into Your holy temple”  How true is this for us today, it is easy for us to go to church on Sunday, but then forget about God the rest of the week.  What does it take to trigger us to remember Him?  Jonah had weeds wrapped around his head and was starting to drown (my worst nightmare when swimming in a lake) before he ‘remembered’ God.  Oh yeah, that’s right, I know a guy that can save me!?   Note: if Jonah had listened to God the first time, he wouldn’t be in this mess!  Jonah realizes that “salvation comes from the Lord” and vows that he will “sacrifice with a voice of thanksgiving”

Today, we are in the middle of a world-wide crisis due to COVID-19, a virus that spreads really quickly.  Entertainment has been shut down, jobs have been lost or altered to work from home, and schools are closed requiring parents to teach their children.  Many would say that our ‘idols’ or things that we thought were so very important to us are not accessible right now.  Is God getting our attention?

In Jonah, chapter 3, Jonah gets a second chance and God tells him to go to Ninevah again.  This time he listens and tells the people of Ninevah that if they do not turn from their wicked ways they will be “overthrown” in forty days.  The Bible says that they “believed in God” and mourned their sins.  The king also donned on sackcloth and sat on ashes, asking the city to fast and call on God.  “Who knows, God may turn and relent and withdraw His burning anger so that we will not perish” (Jonah 3:9).  The people of Ninevah were saved because they listened to God’s messenger Jonah, right away, not when it was convenient or waiting for (Sunday).  Ninevah responded to God’s call to turn from wickedness, can we do the same?  Can our country turn from their idols and once again call on the Lord?  Is God trying to get our attention as He did Jonah, so that “we will cry out of our distress”, and turn from our wickedness so maybe God would save our land (and eliminate COVID-19)?  We are being called by many pastors, speakers, and other Christian leaders online to PRAY- to call on God’s mercy and bring healing to our land.  They know that God is in control and has the power to “do whatever He pleases” (Psalms 135:5-6).  Those that know Christ, know that “Salvation is from the Lord”; salvation from eternal damnation.  If an individual would lose their life to COVID-19, will they go to eternal glory (salvation) or to hell?  Will we respond as Ninevah did and return to the Lord to save our land?

Many feel guilty, thinking why should they come to God now when they haven’t been in contact with Him in a while.  Take comfort in the fact that Jonah too had to “remember God” and He wants you to return Him; God doesn’t move- we do- He is just waiting for us to come back.

The boys and I have been studying Jonah, and how we need to listen to God, THE FIRST TIME, and that there are consequences when we don’t, just like at home.  Caleb made the observation today that he “didn’t know Jonah’s backstory (yes he said this word)”.  He didn’t know anything about Jonah except that he had been swallowed by a great fish.  Yes, that the fun part of the story, but there is so much more that we can apply to our lives concerning the story of Ninevah’s return to God- especially amid a worldwide crisis.

Choose HOPE!

Teachers are Blessed

Romans 12:5-7 New International Version (NIV)

⁵ so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. ⁶ We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your^[a] faith; ⁷ if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach.

I am so thankful and so grateful for the teachers in my boys’ lives!  The past four days have not been easy, but they have been blessed.  Both boys have prayed prayers saying their teacher is awesome, and that they are thankful for doing school at home.  There is respect and a mutual understanding as I complete my schoolwork as well.  Caleb even talked, in the evening on Wednesday, about the assignments that he needed to accomplish the next day; this coming from my kid who doesn’t know what he is doing the next minute!  These kids have had to step up and become responsible, and that is beautiful!  Three weeks to go…

Tripp wrote Chad and I an email yesterday and said we had to read it together “when dad gets home”.  We read it before bed last night and this is what it said:

“TRIPP POSTMUS

6th grader

RVCSD

TPOSTMU@RVCLASS.ORG

Dear Parents

You know that I love you, and you know I don’t want to do the things you want me to do but I love you. Ever since I could remember you guys have done so much for me and make sure that I have food to eat. When you stayed at the hospital with me I was happy to be there with you even if I didn’t look like it. So all I am saying is that you be with me and I love you.”

 

Yup, we smiled and soaked it in.  To receive an email like this from our 12-year-old means the world!  The context was I had just told him to work ahead on some of his schoolwork because he could, he had time in our set schedule.  He threw a little fit, but this is the result…

Blessed.  I thought of the schoolteacher who has little notes posted to their desks, notes that their students have written just to say thank you or that they are loved. (more often seen on teachers of the younger grades desks).  Those notes DO mean something!  Those notes will always be treasured.

Something that is ironic, as with this case, I had just told Tripp to do something he didn’t really want to do.  Teachers get to do that all day, and they are loved in spite of it.  Oh, and they miss these kids!  It’s not just a job to them, they really care about what happens in their student’s lives!  What a beautiful calling!

When we get back to our ‘normal’ of sending our kids back to school, remember and appreciate the staff and teachers at your children’s schools.  Remember the janitors who clean up after them, the cooks who provide lunch, and sometimes breakfast for them, the recess monitor who settles the little spats, and the PE teacher who burns their massive stores of energy.  And it’s ok, even as an adult, to send a note to your children’s teachers, letting them know how much they are appreciated and loved.

Is it ok to dream about what God might have in store for you?  Is it ok to have ideas and thoughts about what God’s purpose is for you?  How do you ‘wait’ on God’s purpose to be displayed while feeling like you need to do your part?

Ever since I was young, I felt called to write, I never knew what to write about, but then cancer happened.  A thing that I never dreamed would enter into my family, let alone one of my children.  My dream of writing was my place of healing, my sanctuary.  It was my way of processing my feelings.  Some like to keep their feelings to themselves, but I felt called to share them.  I also have other dreams that are in the ‘not yet’ phase of my life, such as foster care, adoption, full-time ministry, sewing, owning my own business of cooking/baking, or starting a coffee shop.  On top of all my dreams, I felt called to go back to school, for a degree that could potentially mean a major career, but is that what I want?

I learned today that I need to surrender these dreams to God, I mean seriously surrender them.  There on the trail, I sobbed, knowing that it was what I needed to do, surrender the dreams that I’ve always tried to manipulate into my life, and “see what God is doing and join Him in it” instead of asking God what I should do in the future.  You see, God wants us to live in the present, to be available to His calling for that day, not the future or the ‘could bes’ but now.  What can I do today to further God’s mission?  What can I do to build my relationship with my Savior who so desperately wants me to himself?  How can I   connect God to doing the dishes, to folding laundry (oh, I need to change that), to cooking supper for my family who doesn’t always appreciate it?  How can I further God’s mission with my spouse, with my children today?  This could be just not being exasperated with them, but to patiently serve them.  (Now, note: there is a fine line to patiently serving and knowing that they can do something themselves and are just asking because they want to be lazy.)  How I approach the situation though, the tone in my voice can be used to further God’s purpose. “If we put first things first, we get the second things thrown in, but if we put second things first, we lose both the first and the second things” -C.S. Lewis  If my relationship with God is first, the relationships that I get to have with the people around me are thrown in.  God will make straight that path.

What is God doing today?  If I seek the corners of my day with this thought in mind, I will find where He wants to work in my life, where He wants me to fulfill my purpose.  Instead of always looking toward the future or the next best thing, I need to be in the present- to take the time to listen, to love, and maybe just stop and say a prayer.  This break, this gift that I have been given to not go to a 7-4 job, but to focus on my school and my son’s treatments, is a gift that I do not want to waste.  It won’t always be like, this, it can’t always be like this, I will need to go back to work.  So in these moments where I am free to seek what God is doing today, am I?

I still have my dreams, those will never go away, but God asks us to be present with Him, and I won’t miss out on as much life if I am not always looking to the future instead of focusing on today. I need to  ^“Trust in the Lord with all (my) heart, And do not lean on (my) own understanding. In all (my) ways acknowledge Him, And He will make (my) paths straight” Proverbs 3:5-6 (NASB, emphasis mine).

Matthew 13: 45-46 (NASB)

“Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant seeking fine pearls,  and upon finding one pearl of great value, he went and sold all that he had and bought it.”

Can I give up everything that I have in order to seek the kingdom of heaven or that one pearl of great value? What is the definition of the kingdom of heaven or the pearl in this story? Is it a job, house, possessions, family, friends, spirituality, religion, or specifically your relationship with Jesus?  How much of our lives are compartmentalized into God’s time and me ‘time’.  Yes, God, I will serve you in these specific ways, but then I get my own personal time to do what I want to do?  How do you decide what is God’s time, and what is my time?  Can my time be God’s time?

What does it really mean to be ‘all in’?  What does it mean to give up the standards that this world calls comfortable living, to live so simply that you do not feel comfortable around wealth? What does it mean to measure everything purchased, including clothing and groceries against what could be given to the Lord?  I must admit I have no idea. To live according to standards set by our society, each spouse must bring in an income. Children are left to their own devices (literally) so that parents can accomplish the standards expected of them. Yes, God, I give you a specific amount in the offering plate, but the rest is mine to do with what I please- after all, I earned it- I deserve this.  How can I possibly be ‘all in’ and still accomplish what is expected of me?

I often think of escaping the rigors of life by going to live in a cabin in the woods, to live off of the land and live simply, but why do I have to make this kind of drastic change in order to be closer to God?  Can I do this in my house on 15^th Street?  What do I need to eliminate from my life in order to be “all in”?  What do I need to add?  Do I need to do anything?  What does God expect of us?

I know these are not ‘normal’ thoughts and it causes me distress, but I want so desperately to live my life according to how God wants me to live it; the job that He wants me to work at. I am going through some major life changes right now as I complete my studies for a degree I have no idea how I am going to use it.  Sometimes I feel like Noah, doing something crazy and out of the box that seems senseless.  How can I use this degree to be ‘all in’? Now is when I need to be spending time in the Word, seeking God’s will for my life- but how?  How do I begin?  How do I get ‘all in’ when there is laundry to fold, a house to clean, supper to cook?  Is that part of it? How do I find joy and purpose even in the mundane?  What is my pearl- the one thing, or even the job that I would be willing to change everything in my life to obtain?

This week, my husband and I are doing a Healthy Cleanse, eating fruits and vegetables and taking supplements to flush the junk out of our bodies.  It is really hard to restrain ourselves from processed foods, sugars, and even dairy, but throughout the week, we really do feel good.  We have more energy, we sleep good and when Friday night comes, we really love that burger!  An option that is allowed in the cleanse if you need more to keep you full is a boiled egg.  I had never boiled an egg before so I gave it shot for lunch today.  I got distracted and boiled them probably a little too long as one of them busted and then stunk up the house, but I saved the rest of them and put them on ice.  A little while later I took them to the table and peeled the boiled egg how I had been taught many years ago, and it brought back so many memories.

My grandpa passed away a couple days ago and throughout all of the travel planning, memories keep arising.  My greatest memories of my grandpa were watching him prepare his breakfast.  Meals were very important to him and it was a process -quite entertaining for his grandchildren really.  Raw eggs in his granola was a bit extreme, but there were homemade pancakes and waffles, and always, hard-boiled

eggs.  I remember watching him peel them so quickly- with great skill.  He would stir his protein into his juice; I remember the clink on the glass.  Yes, breakfast was always an adventure that’s for sure, but it was also a cozy, warm atmosphere.

I am sure that breakfast foods will bring memories of my grandpa for a very long time, and that is a good thing.  My grandpa, while a bit hard sometimes, lived a life of loving his Jesus and towards the end of his life, softened and blessed many people. He took pride in his role of being an usher at church until his body no longer allowed him this task.  He served his country in the Korean War by flying out of Germany and taking the needed pictures.  He was proud of his family, all 6 of his children and many grandchildren.  He and my grandma wanted to leave a legacy of their Christian faith and that they did.  They also created in their family the needed knowledge of health and being proactive, thus the Healthy Cleanse and the hardboiled egg- Oh, did I mention they turned out good!  Yummm.

I love you Grandpa and you will be missed.