Often when I think about telling someone about Jesus, I feel I have to be prepared for them questioning why God would take Tripp, why would they believe in God if He didn’t answer prayers to heal him?  Truth be told, I ask this question!  Then during the River (a worship night at our church), I heard God say to me in response to the question of why did Tripp have to go to heaven: ‘so that you would ask that question’.  I was reminded that God doesn’t just want our thoughts and words when things are going great, and not that he is desperate, but He will take communication from us, even if its us just asking ‘why’.  Guess what, you’re still talking to God😊  You’re still acknowledging that He is there! And He is still listening- He’s not going anywhere.  When we are asking God questions, we are admitting that we don’t know everything, and then we seek answers.  And it’s in seeking the answers, through the waves of grief, that we learn more about Who He is, and What He desires from us. 

“He does all of this with your redemptive good in mind” – PDT. 

I often get mad at God for taking Tripp, especially when I’m tired, I’m being selfish, and I just plain miss him.  I miss his adventurous spirit- always up for something else.  I miss his laugh, his hugs, his love, his gentleness, and how he sought joy.  When I get mad, I cry and ask God why.  When I’ve calmed, I start seeking the why, through Scripture, encouragement from others, remind myself that Tripp’s the lucky one being in heaven, and I know peace.  My desire for others to know this peace brings me to a place of boldness, asking others if they know Jesus, or have a personal relationship with Him.  As a mother, I could not fathom not knowing where my son is- I wouldn’t wish it on anyone else. 

One of Tripp’s greatest desires was for his friends to know and love Jesus- I’ll carry on this mission as long as God allows!

It is a hard place to be though, thinking that because of my son’s journey to heaven, God did this so that my faith would grow- that everyone who knew him would know growth in their faith.  It’s this thought of ‘sacrificing’ or giving up my son so that others would know Jesus.  I hate this thought, that it had to be through so much pain.  I hate the thought that I have to live this life without my son.  I hate the thought that Caleb has to grow up an only child, that we are now a family of 3.  I hate the thought that we are not paired up on a roller coaster (yes, that is actually something I dreamed about when I was little). 

But then I stop and think about it,  Tripp already reached his goal- a goal he pressed on to- and now it’s time for others to reach the Goal. I love the thought just as his body helped in research for Childhood Cancer, that his life would bring others to that goal. It is so hard to think of heaven from our earthly perspective.  When we grieve and miss someone who we know is there, we are the only ones feeling the pain- he’s not! 

He’s rejoicing at His Saviors feet, singing

“HOLY HOLY HOLY IS THE LORD GOD ALMIGHTY!”

Heaven is our goal- Tripp just got there first.  It is a celebration!  In grief sometimes its hard to understand and remember that, but that’s why it’s so important to have that relationship with God before something like this happens.  Learn how to have a conversation with God so that when a trial comes in your life, you can yell and God and know He hears you- and loves you.  Keep asking the questions about God- and “when you seek Him with all of your heart- you will find Him” Jeremiah 29:12