Often when I think about telling someone about Jesus, I feel I have to be prepared for them questioning why God would take Tripp, why would they believe in God if He didn’t answer prayers to heal him?  Truth be told, I ask this question!  Then during the River (a worship night at our church), I heard God say to me in response to the question of why did Tripp have to go to heaven: ‘so that you would ask that question’.  I was reminded that God doesn’t just want our thoughts and words when things are going great, and not that he is desperate, but He will take communication from us, even if its us just asking ‘why’.  Guess what, you’re still talking to God😊  You’re still acknowledging that He is there! And He is still listening- He’s not going anywhere.  When we are asking God questions, we are admitting that we don’t know everything, and then we seek answers.  And it’s in seeking the answers, through the waves of grief, that we learn more about Who He is, and What He desires from us. 

“He does all of this with your redemptive good in mind” – PDT. 

I often get mad at God for taking Tripp, especially when I’m tired, I’m being selfish, and I just plain miss him.  I miss his adventurous spirit- always up for something else.  I miss his laugh, his hugs, his love, his gentleness, and how he sought joy.  When I get mad, I cry and ask God why.  When I’ve calmed, I start seeking the why, through Scripture, encouragement from others, remind myself that Tripp’s the lucky one being in heaven, and I know peace.  My desire for others to know this peace brings me to a place of boldness, asking others if they know Jesus, or have a personal relationship with Him.  As a mother, I could not fathom not knowing where my son is- I wouldn’t wish it on anyone else. 

One of Tripp’s greatest desires was for his friends to know and love Jesus- I’ll carry on this mission as long as God allows!

It is a hard place to be though, thinking that because of my son’s journey to heaven, God did this so that my faith would grow- that everyone who knew him would know growth in their faith.  It’s this thought of ‘sacrificing’ or giving up my son so that others would know Jesus.  I hate this thought, that it had to be through so much pain.  I hate the thought that I have to live this life without my son.  I hate the thought that Caleb has to grow up an only child, that we are now a family of 3.  I hate the thought that we are not paired up on a roller coaster (yes, that is actually something I dreamed about when I was little). 

But then I stop and think about it,  Tripp already reached his goal- a goal he pressed on to- and now it’s time for others to reach the Goal. I love the thought just as his body helped in research for Childhood Cancer, that his life would bring others to that goal. It is so hard to think of heaven from our earthly perspective.  When we grieve and miss someone who we know is there, we are the only ones feeling the pain- he’s not! 

He’s rejoicing at His Saviors feet, singing

“HOLY HOLY HOLY IS THE LORD GOD ALMIGHTY!”

Heaven is our goal- Tripp just got there first.  It is a celebration!  In grief sometimes its hard to understand and remember that, but that’s why it’s so important to have that relationship with God before something like this happens.  Learn how to have a conversation with God so that when a trial comes in your life, you can yell and God and know He hears you- and loves you.  Keep asking the questions about God- and “when you seek Him with all of your heart- you will find Him” Jeremiah 29:12

In the current sermon series on the Armor of God at our church, we have been learning about the tools that we, as Christ followers, are equipped with, and what we are supposed to do with them. We’ve learned about the Belt of Truth- the value of truth and how we can resist the devils schemes by knowing that he is wrong.  We’ve learned about the Breastplate of righteousness and to put on holiness so that our weak spots are covered, and the Sandals of Peace with which we can hold our ground- having peace regarding what Jesus has done, and striving to make peace around us.  We’ve learned about our Shield of Faith where when we can deflect the arrows that Satan throws at us, but also that when we stand together in our shell, the devil has an even greater chance of losing.  We learned about the Helmet of Salvation- how when we protect our mind, we know Whose we are, we can face tomorrow and our future knowing God’s got it.  And to learn and be reminded of what God has done and trust that He will always provide- how we know what he’s done, so we can trust what He’s doing, we have the Sword- the Word of God. At the end of each service, we have been singing this song,  You’ve Already Won, by Shane and Shane.

As I reflect on this song that is playing through my head constantly, I wonder what life would look like if we lived like we “know how the story ends”:

What would this look like?

We would get excited about Jesus’s Story and read It!

We would seek right living so that the devil can’t get a foothold.

We would recognize that we are not fighting each other but the evil one who seeks to destroy us.

We would not dread tomorrow, our jobs, school, housework, or any other task because they would have purpose.

We would not have anxiety about the future.

We would know for a fact Whose we are.

We would know where to look/go/eat/drink/read/binge when the storms of life are too much.

We would not be worried about how we look/sound when we are speaking the name of Jesus

We would have confidence that God’s plan is good, and seek to know how we can walk in it.

We would not have fear that we would die, because we know where we are going.

We would respect all life and live life to the fullest because life and death are not ours to determine.

We would love because we fully know the love He has for us.

We would not ever get “to much Jesus” and strive for more!

We would change our conversations from malicious gossip to speaking about what God is doing in our lives-to tell our story and share Him.

We would save marriages and protect families.

We would trust that what God is doing is good, even when it doesn’t feel like it.

We would live every day as if it was the day Jesus was coming again.

We would eagerly look forward to heaven and share it with everyone!

Not under our own strength, but overcome through God’s strength in us.

When I think about the battle that is going on for my heart and mind, the battle of life in grief and the doubt that comes with it, I am reminded through this song (written for the people of Ukraine) that it’s His Story and I do know how it ends!

There’s peace that outlasts darkness
Hope thats in the blood
There’s future grace thats mine today
That Jesus Christ has won
So I can face tomorrow
For tomorrow’s in Your hands
All I need you will provide
Just like you always have

I’m fighting a battle
That you’ve already won
No matter what comes my way
I will overcome
I don’t know what your doing
But I know what you’ve done
I’m fighting a battle that
You’ve already won

There’s mercy in the waiting
Mana for today
And when it’s gone I know you’re not
You are my hope and stay
When the sea is raging
Your Spirt is my help
He’ll fix my eyes on Jesus Christ
And I’ll say that is well
Oh I know that it is well

I know how the story ends
We will be with you again
You’re my Savior my defense
No More fear in life or death
I know how this story ends