These are words we shared with others struggling with finding Joy in this Season, also a season of loss for us. Tripp passed away on April 9, 2022 after a courageous 5 year fight with brain cancer:

Chad: Over the course of the last five years, God has given Maria and I theme words at different points of Tripp’s journey: when he was diagnosed it was Faith; faith to not be afraid to face this trial,with the belief that it will produce fruit when given to God. Year two started with a sermon series on hope.  Hope that does not wavier when we don’t get the results that we were “hoping” for.  Hope that bravely carries on in the midst of chaotic storms- giving glory to God along the way. Which is the Greek word Hupomone and what Paul talks about in his letter to the Corinthians when running a race with perseverance.  The last year of Tripp’s journey God showed us the word LOVE. As our family was split between hospital and home, celebrating we got soak each other up enjoying those Tripper hugs and his lame jokes. Hearing stories of how Tripp loved so well.  Which brings us to 2022. After saying “See you later”, to our son this past April and walking with him all the way to Jesus’ feet, our word in this empty season is Trust.  Its all we have left.  Trust that Gods not done with Tripp’s story. Trust that it wasn’t all for nothing. Trust that God is walking with us in the middle of our sorrow and that we can still find joy in the absence of those wonderful lame jokes. Trusting that God is good, that we don’t dig in and make camp the valley of the shadow of death but that Jesus will surely walk us through as in Psalm 23.

Maria:When we sat down with the family to tell Tripp that the doctors couldn’t do anymore for him, Tripp’s response was, “I get to see God?” with a voice of anticipation.   We wept with joy and sorrow.  We knew in our hearts that we had done what God had asked of us as Christian Parents- to walk our child to Jesus. However, this doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt, the pain of losing a child is something that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemies. (Here’s to hoping I don’t have enemies😉) 

Yes, the Thanksgiving and Christmas season has exemplified these emotions tremendously.  The empty chair at the table, the empty seat in the car,  Caleb being the only grandchild now on one side of the family, not buying presents for Tripp – although Caleb is sure making out pretty good…😊.  There is also the hesitancy at your Christmas parties to talk about the one that you lost- not knowing how others are going to react.  They expect you to be the same person, but you are not- you’ve changed and you don’t know how to explain it- and they don’t get it so they tiptoe around it. Its Awkward- but don’t stop talking about the ones we’ve lost, or how God is using their story!  All we can do is pray it gets easier and grieve in the waves that come.

Often times, Christians live with the expectation, “ that because we know where our loved one is, that we are supposed to be able to move on quicker, to not have to grieve as much”.  So often we receive the awkward greeting of, “At least you know where he is” in a tone of – move on.  Grief comes because of the loss of love- and because of great love- grief is stronger.  When you lose your child, or someone else close to you, you don’t stop thinking about them- they are not forever out of your lives- you have memories.  Yes, it hurts to let yourself remember those memories, but it is healing, if we remember the joy that comes with those memories. 

Memories remind us of the amazing adventures we were able to take the last 5 years.  From coast to coast, Monterey Bay Aquarium to walking on Daytona Beach.  From baseball games in Minneapolis to Boat rides in the Galveston waters.  Memories remind us of Legos, Pokemon cards and as Tripp would say, “all the people we were able to meet and tell about God”.  From “I love your Face” to “Let me tell you about my Jesus”.  Joy abounded.

Memories remind us also of what was lost.  Often we grieve more than just a death; we grieve relationships, or something we usedacould do. We grieved Tripp’s loss of physical ability as soon as he lost it- 5years before he breathed his last.  However, if we only focus on the memories of loss, our grief will last through the morning. We chose to have adventures in a wheelchair rather than none at all.   God promises that when we trust in Him and His perfect plan, “Mourning may last for  the night – but joy comes in the morning”  That’s Grace- and can only happen if we allow it- if we ask for it.  We can choose to wallow, to focus on what we’ve lost, instead of look toward what might be gained.  

When I was telling Tripp’s brother Caleb that Tripp might not be with us much longer, I asked the question, “would you want him to live like this the rest of his life?”  Caleb acknowledged that physically, Tripp would be much better off in heaven- but he didn’t want to be an only child and that we were going to miss him.  Tripp gained heaven- a place where he was free from his chemo/radiation worn body.  As much as we miss him- we celebrate that for him- trusting that God’s plan is better than ours.

So often we search for happiness, what makes us happy.  But happiness if fleeting.  When Tripp went to heaven, we did not feel happiness- we felt pain, sorrow.  But the joy was still there- joy in knowing that death is not the end- joy in knowing that someday we would see him again.  Joy is knowing that we serve a risen Savior and we do not walk our journeys of grief alone- even when happiness is hard to come by.  Joy is that note in the background that keeps us moving forward, the one that keeps us out of the pit of despair.  One of Tripp’s favorite songs on his journey was Choose Joy by For King and Country, and this as well as Sovereign over Us by Michael W Smith were promises that when we acknowledge God’s sovereignty, that we are under his control, that we can choose joy-no matter what comes our way.

It still hurts.  It’s been 8 months since we said goodbye, and it feels like yesterday sometimes.  We were once asked if we wished we didn’t believe in God so it didn’t feel like it was Him saying ‘no’ but we could adamantly say that we couldn’t imagine our lives without God in it- even if we were angry at him sometimes.  He has surrounded us with people who love us with the love of Christ, who are there for us when we just need to cry, or talk about Tripp- he has given us a place and people to love- to choose joy in the midst of such a great loss.

“To us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be upon his shoulders, and he shall be called, Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father and Prince of Peace.  We can trust that this Child that we celebrate this season, this listening counselor, strong defender, gentle father, and creator of peace, has got it covered- even in the hard questioning of why, we can trust in a God like that, and find Joy.