Sitting in the quiet morning of my 37^th birthday, I am reflecting on my life so far. God has given me so much, a husband who loves me, a home, sweet boys that I get to love, and so much more.  I am blessed.  There is so much that I wish I didn’t have, like the extra weight around my middle, my creaking ankles, but also I wish that the last two years were not filled up with the c-word.  The last two years of Tripp’s life have been surrounded around that word, that fear, that thing.  It has consumed us too, as much as we try to not let it.  So as much as I am thankful for what God has given me, I really wish he didn’t give me this.

But He Did.

So what am I going to do about it?  I am going to trust, trust that God’s got this,  I am going to live each day, one after another, celebrating the life that God has given me and my family.  I am going to not live in fear of the cancer, or the treatments that drop his numbers so low; I am going to live in hope.  Perfect love drives out fear.  I am going to love like crazy, to be the best mom I can be.  When God gives me the words I am going to write, write about what God has done for me and my family.

I am not going to mope!

I could sit and feel sorry for myself, what I would probably do if we did not have the support of the community and family.  We have been given the resources to live yet, to not eat peanut butter and jelly for every meal (although it’s not a bad idea), so we have the ability to have fun yet, to be like everyone else, and buy baseball clothes…  We have been blessed with many opportunities that we would not have otherwise had, help us to remember what has been given to us and be grateful.

No Fear; Only Hope

“For God did not give us the spirit of fear, but power and sound mind” 2 Timothy 1:7.  God does not want us to cower to the devil, he wants us to stand bold, stand strong in our faith as a pillar to others.  It’s not easy, but the mind is very powerful.  Believing that God’s got this is a conscious decision every day.  My hope is anchored in the one who controls the world, so when I fear a bruise or pale lips, I remember that I am not in control, that this is God’s story, I’m just here to tell about it.